24 Dec

Daily Golden Girls: 12/24/13

[Opening Christmas gifts]

Blanche: Well Rose, it’s a beautiful blouse.

Rose: I hope you like it. Dorothy said you would like something crotchless.

9 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/09/13

Dorothy: I tell you what. Ma, how would you like to go golfing with me and Raymond today?

Sophia: I’d love to! But, I don’t own any ugly plaid polyester.

[Looks over at Rose]

Sophia: Rose, do you have anything in a size 6?

8 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/08/13

Blanche: But honey she’s just a child, you cant expect a child to give back a toy, you do understand don’t you you?

Rose: Just cut the crap and get the damn teddy bear!

7 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/07/13

Rose: We should put out the welcome mat.

Blanche: But honey, we don’t have a welcome mat!

Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is always at the foot of your bed?

6 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/06/13

Dorothy: How long do you think you can stay handcuffed?

Blanche: My personal best is 32 hours… of course, then I had someone to play with.

5 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/05/13

Blanche: Dorothy, what do you think I oughta do with my bed?

Dorothy: Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. Its got more miles on it than the Spirit of St. Louis!

4 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/04/13

Blanche: Well then everything was just a misunderstanding, and Norman really did dump me for a fat woman!

Sophia: No kidding, fatter than you?

3 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/03/13

Dorothy: In every relationship, there are times when you don’t want to be with each other. I mean, Stanley and I went through a period where we had very little marital relations at all. I totally cut off his sex.

Rose: You mean, it grows back?

Dorothy: [sarcastically] Yes, Rose; he’s a lizard!

2 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/02/13

Rose: So how was your date, Blanche?

Blanche: You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!

Dorothy: They went to a sleazy motel.

Blanche: Or the colors of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!

Dorothy: She got him to pay for half the room.

Blanche: Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!

Dorothy: That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.

1 Sep

Daily Golden Girls: 09/01/13

Sophia: Gimme that!

[Sophia snatches box from Dorothy]

Dorothy: What’s in the box, Ma?

Sophia: Mexican jumping beans.

Dorothy: Ma!

Sophia: Excuse me, Hispanic jumping beans.