Daily Golden Girls: 06/19/13

Sophia: I need the money for my old age.

Dorothy: Old age? You don’t leave fingerprints anymore.

Daily Golden Girls: 06/18/13

[Blanche enters kitchen]

Blanche: I’m nothing but a cheap, tawdry, slut.

[Rose with her back to the kitchen door]

Rose: Let me guess….is it Blanche!

Daily Golden Girls: 06/17/13

Rose: My mother always used to say, “The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

Daily Golden Girls: 06/16/13

[Sophia volunteers at a retirement home]

Sophia: Hello, I’m the new Activities Director here.

Woman: What’s your name, honey?

Sophia: Sophia.

Woman: Sophia, move it, you’re blocking the television!!

Daily Golden Girls: 06/15/13

Rose: We should put out the welcome mat.

Blanche: But honey, we don’t have a welcome mat!

Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is always at the foot of your bed?

Daily Golden Girls: 06/13/13

Rose: Did you know they have an egg named after you Blanche?

Blanche: Oh really? How is it prepared?

Sophia: Over easy.

Daily Golden Girls: 06/12/13

Dorothy: Morning ma, did you sleep well?

Sophia: No, I have this recurring nightmare. You know, the one where I am in bed with Warren Beatty and he says, sorry, but this is too sick even for me

Daily Golden Girls: 06/11/13

Sophia: You’ll be back. You know why? You’re too competitive. It’s always been your worst feature. Actually, your ears are your worst feature. But competitive is right up there.

Dorothy: Do you believe that?

Blanche: No. I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature.

Daily Golden Girls: 06/10/13

Dorothy: I just got the strangest prank call. Some man wanted to know if I owned a riding crop and a leather bra and if I could lick my eyebrows.

Sophia: What’d ya say?

Dorothy: I told him no.

Sophia: I guess we’re paying full price for the cocktail franks.